Monday, August 4, 2008

Walking on Proverbial Sunshine, Margaret Cho, and the Curse of My Chin

I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. It is easy to dwell on the things that aren't right in my life, but I'm learning instead to focus on the positives. I'm developing positive habits (cooking for myself more, eating out less, eating smaller portions, checking nutrition labels, keeping my online food journal current, exercising regularly, seeing my therapist on a regular interval) while maintaining the things I like to do socially, such as having drinks, going out to dinner, karaoke (a bit too frequently), maintaining strong friendships, and leading a social life that is full of things I want to do instead of things I feel I have to do.

My friend Mimi has a theory - all Asians end up looking like either Margaret Cho or Yoko Ono. I am a Margaret Cho. I mean, look, the resemblance is uncanny.


If I didn't know my own skinny ass tall sister (HI 6IXFEETHIGH!!!) was actually my sister, I would bet $100 that Margaret Cho was my own flesh and blood. Anyways, I bring this up because when I look at pictures of myself, much like Margaret Cho, I see my round face. My round face that MIDDLE AMERICA THINKS IS FOREIGN AND UNKNOWN AND MIGHT EAT THEIR DOGS. But whatever, I'm Asian, it's the shape of my face, I am not ashamed of it and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. What I do notice and ALWAYS notice, however, is the double chin, or triple chin, or quadruple chin, depending on what the case may be and the camera angle at the time (bitches, 45 degree angle from ABOVE okay?!).

I'm very sensitive about my chin. In middle school, there was this dude named Omar. We sat next to each other in math class - geometry in Mr. Sisson's class at the high school. Since I was a grade ahead in math, I had to walk from the middle school to the high school to take this class. He was in 9th grade and I was in 8th grade, and even though he wasn't exactly skinny himself, he had gone through puberty and I was barely entering it and I was smarter than him and so in suburban Southern California, he was higher on the social totem pole than I was. So there we sat, during 7th period, me and my pre-adolescent squeaky voice and my math brain and my thick glasses, and Omar, a roley-poley-shaped pimply-faced bully with a large mole on his left cheek with two pube-like hairs growing out of it and who couldn't do SOHCAHTOA if it hit him in the face and punched him in the groin. And Mr. Sisson made me sit down and teach/tutor geometry to this loser in life.

And for an entire year I had to sit there while his only comment to me was "Hey, Eddo, you have something on your chin" and I'd wipe whatever off my chin only to hear him say "NO YOUR OTHER CHIN". EVERY DAY OF MY ENTIRE EIGHTH GRADE YEAR.

And I'd go home and I'd squeeze my double chin and I'd pull it and I'd hit it and I'd position my head so I couldn't see it and I'd learn how to smile so as not to increase my chin and I'd figure out camera angles where my chin would be minimized and I'd learn how to expand my neck muscles and hold my breath so my skin would tighten just a tiny bit and I even went through a turtleneck sweater phase in always 85 degrees Southern California in order to minimize the shame that was my unacceptable gargantuan Droopy-esque flap of excess skin underneath my jawline.

Anyways, I just looked at a couple of pictures of myself taken within the last week, and compared them to pictures of me taken sometime in April, and I can see the difference, if not in my entire body, at the very least in my chin. :D

That was a fucking long time for me to wrap this entry up, but yes, I feel like I'm walking on proverbial sunshine.


6ix Feet High said...

Dude, it's totally hereditary. Even my "skinny ass" has noticed in photos take in profile that my chin doesn't meet my neck at a nice 90 degree angle, like it should. Instead it's somewhere closer to 45 degrees (side-angle-side that one, little bro!!!). Blame the genes.

dannyman said...

Ed, I got lost when you mentioned your 6' tall sister.