Wednesday, May 14, 2008

EDventures in Trannyism

The famous frat-party-a-go-go LOOK-AT-US-WE'RE-SO-WACKY ONLY-IN-SAN-FRANCISCO Bay to Breakers 7ish mile "Run" (more like drunk stumble and trash The City for the majority of its participants) is happening this Sunday, and it promises to be a good time. Why, you ask, after I harshly dismissed its participants with such a cool icy wave?

Because I am going what I always do every year, which is set up a table on the sidewalk in front of my apartment (which coincidentally, is on the route) and start drinking at 6:30 in the AM so I can watch the Nigerians pass us by, only to slowly watch the carnage as it massively moves its way though South of Market, along Hayes Valley, the Panhandle, through Golden Gate Park, and finally to Ocean Beach, from the comfort of my drunk front porch. And then I realize that it's 10 in the AM and I am FRUNK AS DRUCK and that this is not a healthy nor normal activity but I continue to drink anyways because I AM IN IT TO WIN IT.

Anyways, this event is also known for many other things (salmons swimming "upstream" i.e. from breakers to bay, the beginning line tortilla toss, naked old people, etc.) but one of these is COSTUMES. And if there is one thing San Franciscans are never too judgmental of, it's a god damn ho down COSTUME PARTY.

So I went to Costumes on Haight yesterday and purchased fishnets. Why, I do not know, perhaps it is to release my inner tranny? Do I have an inner tranny? I don't think so, because if I think I did, I think she would quickly become my OUTER tranny, but whatever. Quiet and shy, I am NOT. I was looking for some kind of costume, of what I don't know. But I thought I could do something with fish nets. So I opened them this morning to try them on and lo and behold, WHO KNEW FISHNETS WERE LIKE PANTYHOSE?!? I sure didn't. I thought they were like long socks.

Anyways, they don't fit. Like at all. They're made for women who are probably 5 foot 4 and 100 pounds. I am a 200+ plus pound 6 foot tall Asian man. The crotch reaches to my thighs. I think I'm going to have to cut a hole in the crotch or something, kind of like assless chap fishnets, I suppose. To solve this, I'll have to find a pair of red or black manties to wear. AND I just figured out my Bay 2 Breakers costume. I'm calling myself "CHINKSTINA AGUIRERRA"!!!!!!

I also bought a rainbow afro and a mustache, but I'm not yet sure how I'll incorporate those into my costume.


Carla said...

I always knew you resembled some kind of wierd, fishnet wearing, genie in a bottle.

eddo said...

CUM on in, let me out!

the_withdrawing_roar said...

Please post many MANY pics of the assless chap fishnets.

Allison said...

ed, your hotness knows no bounds. make sure you take a pic with you bending over a chair and making the "oops!" face.

Christopher said...

you're right, that stuff is neither healthy nor normal.

The Millionizer said...

is this what we're doing this weekend? because YES! yes! a thousand times YES!

Pete said...

Great Blog.....What a sense of humour??
Need to follow on Twitter.

All the best,


x said...

dude! even Snake thought your legs looked hot in those fishnets.