Monday, April 28, 2008

IN IT TO WIN IT 2008!!!

2008 is my year. I am actively looking to dump my single male status and ready to hit the ground running with some HOT GIRL ON GIRL INSANE STRIPPER GONE WILD ACTION. Or really, a nice gal who likes me and who doesn't make me hate the world would be nice. So I wrote a Craigslist ad - M4W here I come!!!

I am fat, judgmental, disdainful, AND ASIAN!!! - 26 - (hayes valley)

Alright, listen. I am probably too good for you. No girls wants to hear that, but I'm most likely right. I'm fat and I'm judgmental and I am smarter than you and OH YES I AM ASIAN!!! And, I probably hate you (seriously, Russian/Nob Hill bitches, stop fooling yourself into thinking you're more "indie" than your Pac Heights counterparts - Forever 21 instead of True Religion does NOT make you an Independent Woman and please do not throw your hands up at me).

But I've had a high earning corporate but also indie-hip job straight outta my namebrand college with double power majors (the kind where you say, wow you must be SMART!), can afford to live in a 1 bedroom in post-Central Freeway nouveau riche Hayes Valley, and am so free thinking that I can look down on Marina striped shirts AND Mission hipsters AND dotcom Burners AND silicon valley google-ites AND granola hippies AND MYSELF!!!!

Please do not respond if you are blond (= privileged), Asian (= daddy issues), skinny (= you hate life), insane (= bad in bed), or unemployed (= lazy).

Anyways, I'm pretty much a catch, and if you are okay with me passing judgment on your within the first 5 minutes of meeting you and dealing with the crushing blow and certain possibility that you are as unoriginal and easy to read through as a used childrens book, I AM SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE LADIES.

Your pic gets my shirtless pic. MOOBS ARE SO IN RIGHT NOW!!!


x said...

and one of the responses you got was from a girl who's dad owns a KOA??

bloomsday said...

Ed, I just want to say that "I love you," and "Yes, Virginia, there is life after Yelp."

Amen, so glad I logged on to my twitter account today and found you!

M said...

damn baby, I am SO wishing I wasn't married right now...