Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Stulted Adult Ed?

I'm feeling the pangs of adulthood coming on. It's strange. I think it's a result of my new job. For a rundown, after a stint at a local University which resulted in a double major in two respectable technical majors and a minor in Art History (Ha! I kid! Art History is also a very respectable major...), I found myself suddenly thrust into the world of corporate ladder-ism. Confused especially by my anti-"the man" credo, which I proudly learned, adopted, and embraced during my formative liberal college years, I played the corporate tool game until I could play no more - i.e. 3 years. It took me that long to realize that I really couldn't just keep going back to the same mind-numbing flagellation-inducing cubicle torture doing something I really couldn't care less about for clients that really didn't interest me. It took me that long to realize that my face was starting to hurt because I was fake smiling all the time.

So I quit. And I found a job I like more. And yes, it's still at a large corporate institution, and this one might even be more buttoned-up than the last. But the type of work I'm doing is so much more in line with my personal beliefs, and the clients and the job are so much more satisfying when you actually *care* about what you're doing.

And this change, I think it's spurted a growth in me. Back when I was working for the hell of it (i.e. the dolla dolla bills y'all), I'd go out because I'd want to escape from life. I'd abusively drink because I had nothing else better to do. But right now, I can feel a change inside me. I still do, more often than not, see the bottom of the bottle, but it's different. I'm not drinking to run away from something. I'm drinking to celebrate.

I can feel it. I want to go back to school. I want to learn more about what I do. I want to get on different clients, and I want to go out and travel. I want to purchase housing. I want to meet women who are like me, who are down to get down, but who know when to not. I want to fucking greet life in the face and be like, "what now, bitch?!"

I want to be. And that, above all, is a mother fucking change.