Monday, August 13, 2007

I put the E in Emo

I remember why I stopped blogging so damn much on my original blog - my livejournal. It's because I get freaking emo. Like hella emo, about hella everything. I suck.

Anyways, it's that time again. It is. I want a girl.

The thing is, when I want a girl, I really don't do anything different, other than make myself sad because I don't have one. I don't go to the gym more often, I don't go out more or less often, I don't change my behavior in any way. I just decide I want one, and there it is. I'm done. And now I am sad.

So this time I will change. Maybe writing crap down and posting it on the interweb will at least hold me semi-accountable for more whining. It hasn't worked before, but hey, I am mature and glamorous and emotionally fulfillled (ha!) now so maybe it will.

How to get a girl:
1) Lose weight
a) Go to gym
b) Eat better
c) Drink less
2) Save money
a) Cook more
b) Drink less
3) Feel better about myself
a) Lose weight
b) Save money

It's so funny, I was reading all those "How to get a girl" or whatever magazines or blog entries or whatever, and it just makes me sad how completely and utterly vapid everyone is. And like, I know I can go wherever and find whatever and seal the deal, but really, I want a relationship. I want someone or something to come home to, to work for, to care about.

So, I think it all boils down to - Go to gym, eat better, cool more, and drink less. Feel better about myself so I can feel better about others. If only it actually were so easy....

It's weird, I really feel like I have very little in life to look forward to right now. Seester gets married in September, and I know that's what most everyone in my life (family-wise) is thinking about right now, but I've talked about this with Seester, and it's so funny that everyone else's idea is that this is a huge thing, and to her, it's just a wedding.

I guess it is to me too. They were already living together, sharing everything, doing everything, committed to each other. I guess now it's just official.


Other than that, I am direction-less and desire-less now.

This is not a very glamorous post.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Per my Glamorous Lifestyle...

I have been working in the business world for the last three years of my life (my official title is "Corporate Whipping Boy" - next time I see you, I'll give you a card), and have decided that this is not the way to achieve the glamorous lifestyle. Because you end up saying things like "per..." as in "per my balls, please suck them" and "touch base" as in "let's touch base and genitals".

I've also heard that by the time we're old enough to retire, Social Security as we know it will be gone and the retirement age will be 70, to which I heartily respond - FUCK THAT. I can barely see myself working until 35 let alone 70. I have decided that the only way to avoid retiring depressed and alone at 70 is to win the lotto. So I have been playing Mega Millions and Super Lotto and scratchers like my life depended on them. Because, well, since I have absolutely no backup plan, it kind of does.

So when I win the lotto, I promise all my readership (at this point, it is but One Sharp Broad) that I shall share some of my gigantic and unlimited wealth with you. Which means I'll buy you a taco from a taco truck on East 14th. And maybe a Top Dog if you're lucky. And some ramen. You lucky Domicana, you.